i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
