I can text with my tongue
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
