i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
