She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
