the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
