drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize