So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
