GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
