Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
