Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize