so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
