you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
