i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
