I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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