I wish I only lived at night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
