Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He passed out mid-signature
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
