I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
