Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
