WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
