Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
