I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I stole a fireplace last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
