I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
