Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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