Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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