I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
