He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
