Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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