wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
