i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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