Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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