Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
