Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
