Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She told me I should be a condom model.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
