i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You may now shotgun with the bride
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
