I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
