she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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