omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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