I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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