"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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