I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
