i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
