Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
