Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
