I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
did i walk over a car last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
