i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
