I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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