You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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