I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
