You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
