She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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