So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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