I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
