should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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