i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
