i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you didnt know i had herpes?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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