You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
