What did we do last night that was yellow?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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