Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
