I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
