Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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