She said her name was "party"
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
