I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
