if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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