Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
