My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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