Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
