you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
