Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
where am i from again
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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