cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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