WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
