hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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