I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
