Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All the doctor said was why
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize