I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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