the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
