Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
