It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
