I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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