this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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