i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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