I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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