Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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