I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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