i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize