Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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