a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
