Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
