I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize