I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
