p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
