i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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