theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
