I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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