omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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