That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
