big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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