It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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