whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
