I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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