why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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