Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
