Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
