Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
